Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
