walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
