I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
