Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
