I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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