Banned from zoo.
Again?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
