we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
