I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
