I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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