fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
