Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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