After last night, I could never be a politician.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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