Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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