I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
