ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
