cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
