I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
