dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you had me at cake vodka
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
