dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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