BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
