dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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