A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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