Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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