its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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