Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
