did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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