When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
