It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
