Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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