my mouth tastes like poor choices
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
