Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
