If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
