shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
