Your dad touched me again.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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