My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BRING THE BAGELS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
