my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
