The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
