she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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