you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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