How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
