I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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