he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
