you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
