Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
