It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
