It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just found out that she named her cat after me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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