Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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