your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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