failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize