He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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