Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
