Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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