i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize