honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
