yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
