Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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