return my video game
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
