You really coming over, don't trick.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
