So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
