just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
