guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize