Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
only if we run a train.
done.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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