Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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