All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
