Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize