Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
