the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I touched a dick in church today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
