i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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