so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
