I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
