my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
