Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
