In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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