this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
