lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
