I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
