I'm gonna have a badass scar
wanna go halves on a baby?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
