I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
